After the end – part 1

Angels of the meadow cover picture

What if I’m not


What if I’m wrong

To give love another chance

And set down my reasons?


What if I’m right

To deny these feelings

And embrace the cold?


What if I’m wrong

To step closer and tell you?


What if I’m right

That you could walk away

And you’ve got good reason?


What if

I’m not sure anymore?


What if

I’m supposed to be yours?


But what if I’m not?




Long about you


I long for the day

When your presence

Doesn’t matter


But for now

Your presence

Is all that matters




Through pretty words


Can’t repair scars


Cuts heal

Memory retains

Perfect flesh marred

Forever changed


Life continues


Can’t dwell in scars

Must leave this dwelling


I’d rather stroll

Through pretty words







Who’s never tried

Has ever failed


And nobody

Who’s never chanced

Has ever succeeded


You can’t win

If you don’t play


If you only attempt

What you can achieve

You limit yourself


Is a limited life

All you want?




Don’t do it


Broken plastic fender

Patched with duct tape


Constant reminder

Of that stupid drink


The blood represents

The life I lost

And a life I wasted




Story problem


A story problem

Is the excuse you give

To your math teacher


When your homework

Isn’t finished




In anticipation


Every emotion

Gathered together

To say your name


They’ve attended before

But one at a time


Until you


Now they wait


There’s no secure exit

No safe hold

To slow my fall


Every sense is alive

In anticipation






Body doesn’t lie


You say we’re a secret

Your family won’t like

You’ll have to defend


So I’m just someone you know

It’ll be so for a long time


You say you can’t text

It wasn’t part of the plan

You can’t afford it


You text

When we’re together


Your eyes see a lot

But they don’t look at me


You reluctantly take help

But can’t wait to get away


I reach toward

Your hand pulls back

As does your glance


Your hug’s a shoulder lean


You have time to talk

When you want to


You’ve time

For anything you want

Just not for me


After the silence

Things will be better

Your thoughts clearer


During the silence

These are my thoughts


Would you believe?




The sound of your lies


Your lies seem like

Silent echoes


I deleted you

All letters pictures

And moments shared

There weren’t very many

They were mostly mine


They were mostly lies

Erased from my phone

Texts and pictures

Silly cartoons


But I can’t erase you

You’re a hole in my heart

You hurt me


So that’s it then

I love you

And goodbye






You don’t deserve

The pain I feel

Or tears I cry


When I see

A working girl

Or casino lights


Memories haunt me


Desperate lost wishes

That don’t want to be made

Desperate lost life

Doesn’t want to be saved


What did I do?




Life of a thoroughbred


I wouldn’t pretend

To define you


Instead I’ll share

Some truth about me

As if observing you


You decide


You won’t do anything

You don’t want to do


You try things you want

And sometimes fail

You discard failure


But things you keep

You do really well

And your own way


You’ll accept help

Only if you need to

Also in your own way


You take modest comfort

In all that you do

And who that makes you


You willingly sacrifice

To preserve who you are

At times it’s difficult


But it’s what makes you





Behind each tear


There’s a scream

No one will hear


Perhaps someone



You say

I have a passion

For music


I’ve a passion for life

Music’s a channel


I’d say

My greatest passion

Is for words


My mouth stumbles

So I write

Sometimes sing


I’ve a passion for love

My heart stumbles

So I cry


And behind each tear

There’s a scream






You drag me

Kicking and screaming

To a better place


Push me past my limits

I no longer see limits


I look through you

To see anything


You cause me to consider you

In all thoughts


You nourish my growth

And lift my sight


You complete me

And make me content


You quiet my fear


That’s what you mean to me




Perfect ending


The value of gold

Is measured in quality

Not quantity


The stage we shared

For a brief moment

Was better than love


Where you found me

Was a lifetime away

From where you left me


Who could know our time

May well turn out to be

My happiest


I spoke of ‘extraordinaries’

You only get to meet a few


You’re definitely extraordinary


We may not meet again

Never talk or share


But what you’ve given

Has no price


Your life will be full

Hectic and content


Please keep what I’ve given

Don’t question it


Promise time to your heart

To your music and joy


Remember me kindly

As you play


Just as I

Will never forget you

Lauren S




The God’s honest truth


Is that I love you

For who you are

What you’ve meant to me

And for the rest of my life

How you changed me


So I’m keeping your pick

As a piece of time

You and your guitar


It will stay with me

You’ll be there too

And I’ll miss you

And love you


My friend

And forever smile




With you


You’re in my every day

Whether you’re there or not

You’re in everything I do


There’s something

That I don’t talk about

And you won’t


What we share

Is bigger than either of us


I don’t want you out

And I don’t want out


In every attribute

Your strength and courage

Intelligence and talent

Anxiety and frustration


Oh and lest I forget

You’re beautiful


In everything you are

And everything you do

You are my ‘ten’


You make me laugh

You make me sigh

You make me crazy

You make me cry


If I could script my life

Whether good or bad

Happy or sad

Through calm and calamity

Or complete insanity


Whatever comes to be

And understanding

It would be bunny free


Without a second’s thought

Every moment

I would script with you




Where is everybody?


Is a question with a very long

And improbable answer


Because by the time

The answer is completed


Nearly everyone has moved




Lauren S


Hey Lauren

How are you?


It’s been awhile

I hope this finds you well


We go through life

Doing and being

And seeing for a time


Until we get to a point

It seems we’ve seen and been

And gone and done


Everything’s still moving

But it slowed down

When we weren’t looking


We don’t know why

And we didn’t ask


It repeats

Every fourteen years or so


Happened to me


Then a spark came along

And ignited my life

Interfered with my writing

Awakened my dream


That spark was you

I’ll never forgive you


If my plans hold true

I may have four

Cycles left


It’s odd to think about


Because of you

Each one will be better


And next time I hope

I’ll see the spark coming

And be eager to learn


You weren’t perfect

You really weren’t


And yet you really were


So my prayer in return

Is that as you go and do

And be and see


And if it all slows down

I hope you find your spark




Child sees a child


Laughing and playing

And screaming for love

Crying and ranting

And pleading above


Waiting and wanting

But wait


Time is a crime

It can’t be seen


It wraps us

Chokes us

Invisible to hope

It steals us alone

Which finds us

Frantically digging


Broken nails

Bloody fingers


Silent we wait fate

Afraid it's too late


Desperate to love

Anyone who sees us

Desperate that love

Will leave us


Unless we grasp

That love given

Can’t leave


Far better to give

Than to receive


Who then?


Who sees us, of course

And a child sees a child


Within love

We find what we seek

Waiting’s irrelevant

We’re already there


Suspending physical matter

Love is the only matter

You can take with you


This I’ve learned

And I see you